the Logic of Emotion

Mood really changes fast within a day. Luckily I blogged my previous entry earlier, cos last night was really bad.. couldn't sleep.. what happened? I went to read her blog...
Really stupid of me, shouldn't have read her blog. (but the question of 'should have' or 'shouldn't have' is really a silly one. Yeah yeah maybe I should've bought the lottery winning numbers.. ) Hmm it felt kinda sour when I read her entry about her trip to Singapore.

Oh I was chatting with her as well, and suddenly she asked me some translation. Obviously those were not academic questions, just comments to be used in a chat between someone who doesn't understand Cantonese and someone who doesn't know how to express herself in English and Hanyu Pinyin. Hmm... hahaha must be the same sentiment when you give your enemy a hand in stabbing yourself.

Silly me. Did chat with Jasmine about it as well, and she told me something that sound very logical. I told her I've already given up, and Jasmine said, "since you have given up, why do u still feel sad about it?" Sound logical, but human beings are not made up of logic circuit.. we have flesh and blood as well. Since college I've already lost my fighting spirit. I hate competition of any form. Just like you always see me lazing around at the foot of the rock wall, and Alex doesn't help by always pushing me to be the first to climb.. "come Chow, 5th lane white route". Compare to Jason who would say things like "If Chow can reach the top I can reach also lor".... yes yes climb on.... yawns. TeamNUS? Don't even think about it.

This sort of link to the friendship thingy that every other blog is talking about. What I've told Alex is that it is like a good show, with good beginning and good ending. It may not be the true side of it all, but the whole story will still be a happy story. Truth, is truth really that important? Given a choice, would you want to hear a sad reality, or a happy lie? I would want a happy lie, and I wish I will not know the truth even till the end of it.

The problem facing Alex is quite a food for thought for me too. If you treat someone as a good friend but he doesn't treat you equally good, how should you react? Hmm.. maybe that someone's standard of good friend doesn't equate to your standard. But nevertheless, you treat someone nicely not because you want to have something in return right? Easier said than done. Human beings are not that ideal, not even close to it. Like how Tong told me, what is the use of being a gentleman when you are not happy?

nikki was asking me, when will I wipe her off from my MSN contact list. Good question. That brings me to wonder how can those freaks in Friendster manage to have thousands over friends. "Friends"? What an overly used word, often abused and devalued. Nevermind, they can choose how they want to live their life, but I ain't going to stain that sacred word spelt F-R-I-E-N-D. Some people will understand what I really mean. Words like 'colleagues', 'schoolmates' would be more factual and you can't go wrong with using them, though you may lose that taste of affection.

My lecturer was talking about "sworn sisterhoold" during my Sociology lecture. Maybe I should have a "sworn brotherhood", then I don't need to bother so much. Actually when a person is bored, his mind will just wander everywhere. Feeling quite back to myself today after doing some mathematics.

I was saying I wish I can build a bouldering wall in my home....