I left my man behind

ok i talk about the less stupid and more serious thing first.

This morning I went to supermarket with my mother. On the way I saw Norazman head on. I can't help feeling guilty whenever I think of him...

Norazman was under my charge in army, sort of. He has been a detainee before, can't remember was it for drugs or for AWOL, but what's the use of remembering someone's shortcoming? He actually lives a few blocks away from me, and there were a few times I conducted welfare visit on him when he was on long term MC.

There was this day, which he was supposed to be posted to a new unit. I went to his house to fetch him, but he wasn't home. His brother told me he was staying overnight at his grandmother's home, so I asked him to call Norazman back. When he arrived, the siblings started quarreling in Malay. Norazman claimed that they kicked him out of the house, while his brother said he had been taking drugs. They went inside and fought it out...
Norazman grabbed a kitchen knife and locked himself in his room. This kind of family dispute, I really wasn't sure of what to do. I wanted to call the police, but how would it reflect on the army when this commander on the scene couldn't handle it. (yup i was wearing green, with beret on)
Heck it, I ran in, and tried to talk him out. He opened the door with knife in hand, ready to stab me I guess. (wow, I was thinking how would it be to be killed in action). The floor in his room was full of pills.. sigh..

Okay the rest of the story is classified. Not officially, but cos I don't want to talk about it.

Maybe I was too nice to my subordinates. I just feel that I've abandoned him by letting him post out. I couldn't solve his family problem. I couldn't solve his drug problem (if there was any. I couldn't confirm if he was on drugs)

I thought I could leave no man behind.